adam slept over last night. enought said.

adam told me how he was gonna start going to work again. And i felt shocked, sad, pissed, scared... a mixture, but i came off as a super bitch, when i know he NEEDS to go to work. and he NEEDS the money.. and all that jazz. But its not how i had intended this time to go. I intending it to be like, i get out of work, and go see him. I dont have to work, so i go see him. yadda yadda. Which is pretty selfish and such, but now.. he'll be working and then ill be working, and he gets all bitchy when he's over tired and such, and his knees and back will hurt, and ill have to listen to him complain about it.. wow.. what a bitch i am. BUt thats not why im all GAH. i dunno. nervous i guess. SCRATCH that. fucking scared shitless of 28 days from now. And how exactly, we exspect this to work out.

another thing, whats with all my fiends being such bitches? Im sick of empty promises to hang out. Im sick of feeling used by people. Im sick of feeling second best. Well, i got stephen, and jenn. I got bryan and derrick, and apparently casey, and ricky. I have the kids at work, but they are strictly WORK friends. I have porkie and pomo, and ian. (even thou i was slighty pissed at the young couple the other nite) i have aimee boyd. I dunno. i guess i have nothing to bitch about.

i must say thou, that jenn's dad is basically the only grown man that i have a good relationhip with. Him. not my father, or my brother, or my stepdad, or any uncles.. but my best friends dad, who refers to me as his daughter. I think ive been looking in all the wrong places for what i really need.

and i really do have everything ive ever wanted. I get used, get fucked, get mistreated by people, people who i happen to adore very much and who i consider very high on my list of friends, but i should really pay more attention to those who feel the same way for me that i do them. I have a pretty amazing mom, who i have deffinatly fixed my relationship with a lot over the summer, but ill still be happy to move out. I have a little sister who is one of the best kids that ive ever known, even if others think differently. I have a tight group of friends who i can rely on for anything, and it seems to be growing by the day. I have a decent job. My supervisiors love me and im pretty good friends with everyone who works there. I have an amazing boyfriend, that i love more than anything. Im going to be a senior, and im about to have the best year of my life (lets hope) I just did things that offically make me old. For the first time in a few days i dont feel like crying when i think about widener. I have a car. My mom is bringing home drinks for me. Im planning a big camp out. Im going to warped tour a week from tomarrow.

see.. im stupid. look at everything thats wonderful. im such an idiot for overlooking such things.